Ranting in the Spotlight
by miiamya
Summary: These are rants of various characters in Harry Potter. Read if you enjoy randomness and bitter humor.
1. Little Hope and No Potions Skills

Disclaimer: If someone told you I own Harry Potter, someone lied.

I hate potions. You might think you hate potions but it is nothing compared to the dread I feel when I enter the dungeon. I'm the only one who melted five cauldrons in a year. I'm the only one who could not even remember how to make a simple forgetfulness potion. I'm the only one who had to be taken to the hospital wing because I swallowed a newt tail by mistake. At least that is what Professor Snape tells me. He says it every class and every detention I get for my abysmal potion making.

I'm terrified of Professor Snape. Everyone says that I'm just being stupid. And a prat. I most commonly get called a prat. I suppose it's true. It all started on the first day of school. The toad my Great-Uncle Alfred gave me for getting into Hogwarts. We got off on a bad start. It was my fault, really. Who knew that toads did not enjoy being locked in a burning hot closet for over twenty hours? Look, I forgot about him, okay. Gram insisted I read over all my text books. So Trevor has been terrified of me since then.

So back to me being a prat. Everyone says that Snape is all talk and it is ridiculous to take his threats seriously. But they haven't spent three hours disemboweling toads in a dark dungeon with him leering at them. I have. I couldn't sleep properly for a week afterwards.

The week after the boggart incident was the worst. Everyone had laughed when they saw Snape in those clothes and it had been the most comfortable I had felt in any class other than Herbology.

But Snape had taken horrible revenge. He had picked on me worse than ever that week. I had finished each class white and shaking. Harry had told me to stand up for myself, that I was better than that. Snape shouldn't bother me. I suppose Harry knows what he's talking about. Snape picks on him worst than he picks on me. But Harry is also much braver and enduring than I will ever be.

He is everything a Gryffindor should be and I am not. I don't even know why the sorting hat put me in Gryffindor. He seriously considered Hufflepuff. I sometimes think that I would enjoy Hufflepuff much more but then I remember how proud my family was when they found out I got into Gryffindor, just like my parents. My Gram is endlessly comparing me to my parents. I never seem to measure up.

There is no need to tell me I'm a prat and pathetic and hopeless. I know. I've already been told by endless people. I'm just waiting to live up to the potential I supposedly have. Maybe then everyone will be proud of me. If that day ever comes.

I am Neville Longbottom, Hopeless Potions Extraordinaire, Out of Place Gryffindor, and Huge Disappointment.

A/N: I hope you like this. If you did, please review and maybe I will write more. Give me ideas.


	2. Suffering Boys

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Do you know that doxy poison mixed with rabbit dung smells like ear wax when mixed together? Well, I do. I haven't tried it, if that's what you're thinking. It is just the kind of thing you know after living with my twin brothers for sixteen years. I actually have six brothers, each one more obnoxious than the next. But I love them all. How couldn't I?

Of course, they can be ridiculously over-protective. I know what you are thinking. All brothers are a little protective of their little sisters. But my brothers take it to a whole new, twisted level. For example, when I was six years old, I had a friend named Ben Neilson. He was a prat but we had fun. One day, we were playing the garden and I tripped over a root. He bent over to help me up. It's the kind of thing a friend should do. Unfortunately, my oldest two brothers come marching over. Bill yanks Ben off of me. Now, this is quite alarming considering that Bill, at sixteen, is nearly six feet tall and quite fit. Ben was hysterical within seconds. Bill eventually let him go and he scampered across the yard as fast as his scrawny legs could carry him. I never saw him again. I was so mad at Bill that I made his hair turn bright blue. He bought me a toy broomstick to make up for it.

Brothers can be awful. But they can be fun and helpful, as well. I would be no one without my brothers, as annoying as they usually are. I am the only girl in my family to be born for decades. It is almost as though I have lifted some sort of curse. The family curse. It is quite an honor and I live up to it, I think.

I am quite a gifted witch. I'm not bragging, it is simply the truth. Everyone says so. I am also popular. Again, this is merely the truth. I would never let it go to my head, though.

It annoys my brothers to no end how popular I am with guys. I have only had three real boyfriends but have turned down many dates. I am particular about who I date. I scorn girls who will go out with anyone who happens to ask them and can snog half decently. Of course, all my boyfriends have been really good kissers. My brothers don't know this but they have found out in some very awkward ways.

My first real boyfriend was Michael Corner who I met at the Yule Ball. He was sweet and an excellent snogger but he could also be really annoying. Eventually, I got so bored with him that I ditched him, much to the relief of my brother, Ron. Don't feel sorry for him; he is quite happy with Cho Chang, I've heard.

My next boyfriend was Dean Thomas. He has a great sense of humor and awesome hair but he was so protective of me. And not in a good way. I may be a girl and I may be small but that does not mean that I'm vulnerable in any way. We argued and broke up. It was quite bitter.

My next boyfriend was probably my best. Harry Potter was my childhood crush but I eventually gave up on him. U known to me, he developed a serious crush on me while I was going out with Dean. So he was right there when Dean and I broke up with a shoulder to cry on and arms to hug me and lips to snog me. And we snogged for a very long time.

Our relationship ended very recently. He broke up with me so he could play the hero and protect me from danger.

I hate that word. Protect. Why do all the guys in my life assume that o have to be protected. I'm not vulnerable. I once cursed a guy so thoroughly that he had flying bogies attacking him for over an hour. I hate how guys underestimate me. First it was my brothers and then my boyfriends. I'm not a weak, naïve girl. I'm strong and independent. I can take care of myself. I don't want to be protected. I want to face the same world and dangers that boys face. I want to meet all those dangers head on, even if it means death. I want to prove that I don't, in any way, need to be protected.

I am Ginny Weasley, Little Sister, Brutally Honest Student, Underestimated Female.

A/N: Please review and tell me if there are any characters you want me to write rants for.

Lots of Love, Maya or Uknowho


	3. Completely Confused

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.

I have screwed up my life. I can't really tell you what happened because I'm not even sure. One minute I was in control and loved by everyone and the next I was out of my job and living in a small flat in Diagon Alley.

So, maybe I exaggerated a little. I was certainly not loved by everyone and that was probably my downfall. The small group of people who rallied against me was powerful, determined, and had little to lose and everything gained. I should have seen the writing on the wall but how could I have? For the first time in my life, I was revered. I felt strong.

I know I sound ridiculous but you must understand that I have never felt invincible before in my life. To be frank, I'm not that great at magic and was not that popular at Hogwarts. I survived by joining clubs. I gravitated towards masses of people. I wanted to please. I wanted to be liked. I was usually ignored.

After school, I did not change. I still wanted to be liked so I did what nearly everyone else was doing. I joined the Ministry. Somehow, I seemed to survive in the Ministry. I received orders and I followed them to the letter. What could be easier?

I remember the day I was told that I was being considered as the next Minister. Me, the Minister of Magic? Even in my wildest dreams I had not considered this. But it made perfect sense. Being Minister of Magic meant pleasing a whole country of magical folk and who was more skilled at pleasing people than me? I felt elated. For once in my life, I felt important and worthwhile.

Then he happened. I'm not naïve. I know politics is filled with competitors and I can't just be handed the role of Minister of Magic without someone objecting but it happened so swiftly and so strong. It was the kind of strength I never had and wanted with a passion.

The strength came in the form of Albus Dumbledore, the reason for my demise. I know that sounds a little dramatic but of you understood my story than you would see where I'm coming from. When they found out that there was to be a new Minister of Magic, an alarming number of people voiced their opinions that Dumbledore should be the next one. There were articles published and rallies in front of the Ministry of Magic. I was terrified.

Dumbledore refused the position and I got it but I couldn't forget those few, terrifying days. I half expected to be killed when I made my acceptance speech. I knew that I was not popular. I was not liked. I did the only thing that made sense to me. I needed to get liked and to do that, I needed to make decisions that the people would support. So I sent owls to Dumbledore nearly every day. I know it sounds pathetic, but what was I to do?

I remember one political cartoon that was published about five years after I was in office. It portrayed me as a donkey being forced through a tunnel with the word "responsibilities" written all over it by Dumbledore. I stopped writing to him so often after that came out.

So I managed to survive for many years. Maybe I was not the most popular Minister but I tried to please the people and sometimes I would succeed. I remember once, at some sort of benefit dinner, Ludo Bagman had hit the firewhiskey rather hard and during my speech he called out, "You might not be the smartest, Fudge, but you sure know how to suck-up."

Then my life was ruined. Dumbledore told me He Who Must Not Be Named had returned. He told me I must spread the news and take precautions. I refused to listen. How could I have? He was suggesting things that wouldn't just make me unpopular; they were things that would get me kicked out. I couldn't ruin everything I had worked towards my whole life in a single night.

Maybe I took my refusal too far. I became more powerful than I had ever been before. I took total control over my position and even tried to get Dumbledore sent to Azkaban; he was the only one standing in my way. But then, in one night, everything came crashing down. I was unpopular again and kicked out of office. My worst nightmare had become reality. Now I am jobless and my money is slowly dwindling away. I'm still trying to figure out how it happened.

I am Cornelius Fudge, Official Suck-Up, Thirsty for Power, and Confused Job Hunter.

A/N: This was on a request. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed. I hope u keep on reviewing and giving me requests. I'll update soon.

Until Then!

Lots of Love, Maya or Uknowho


	4. Out of Control

A/N: This takes place sometime during Harry's sixth year.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this

I never imagined that I would ever reach this low. Only a dozen years ago, I had it all. My life was perfect. Now everything is ruined, destroyed. Perhaps, to explain it properly to you, I should begin in the beginning. I had a perfect childhood, growing up with my sisters. It was always the three of us despite the age difference. I was the youngest but my sisters took me under their wing. They taught me how to behave differently around mother and father and what to say to get our Aunt Editha off of my back but still be polite.

I was naturally a poised, prim, and bossy child, quite like my sisters. Because I was the youngest, I was generally the one who was bossed around. When my little cousin was born, I was pleased to have someone younger than me to boss around. We would have fun when we were younger, especially after Bella left for Hogwarts. Once Sirius got older, he became more rebellious and would resent the way I would treat him. He began to cling more to Andromeda. His little brother, Regulus, was easy to order about but he was so much younger than me. Funnily, Sirius always seemed much older than he really was.

I remember when Andromeda became a Ravenclaw. My parents and aunts and uncles were all shocked. It was rare for a Black to become anything but a Slytherin but Ravenclaw was the next best thing. My relationship with Andi changed after that. She was more secretive. She spent less time with me and Bella than before. Bella said that she was going through a phase. She always said it with a look of disgust on her face.

I was the next to go to Hogwarts. It was like a dream. I naturally got into Slytherin. I always suspected that Andi was disappointed but I wasn't. I belonged. Being a natural leader, I became quite popular and I finally had people to boss around.

Then, at the end of my fourth year, I got a steady boyfriend. Lucius Malfoy was one year older than me and was the perfect boyfriend. He was suave, popular, and my parents loved him. I was so in love with him that I didn't even care when Sirius got sorted into Gryffindor even though everyone else had a fit.

In my seventh year, I was made Head Girl. It was only to be expected; both my sisters had been head girls also. Even though Lucius wasn't there, it was still one of the best years of my life. I had power and I used it. Sometimes I feel guilty about how I would torment Sirius but he deserved it. Andromeda was too soft on him for his own good.

I never really understood what happened to Sirius. I can't ask him anymore either. Not after Bella finished with him. I always thought it would be Bella who would have the final word with him. I know that sounds ridiculous but Bella had been even angrier with him than Aunt Editha when he ran away from home. He had it coming, I suppose. Not like Regulus. That was a shock. Especially when I learned the reason for his death.

Lucius had told me grimly. I cried for him and for my aunt, who was inconsolable. It was even more of a shock than when Andi married that muggle. There is no worse shame than that. As odd as my big sister had always been, I had still looked up to her. But she disgraced our family. Bella told me that we should forget about her. We would be even closer when it was just the two of us.

Of course then Bella had to go and get herself locked up. She was unstable after the Dark Lord's death. I told her to be rational but of course, as always, she wouldn't listen to me. Lucius had enough sense to plead bewitchment but not Bella. My sister has to be the center of everything. So she tortured those aurors. Not that they didn't deserve it.

When the Dark Lord rose again I thought that my life was going to be wonderful. My sister was brought back to me and Lucius was in his inner circle once again, the right hand man.

How foolish of me. How could I believe that my life could be in perfect order? It all comes down to Harry Potter. He is destroying my life. Because of him, Lucius is locked up and my son, my Draco, is attempting the impossible. No one has managed to kill Albus Dumbledore. No one. My son is smart and talented but he is not a miracle worker. He is just a boy. He is my boy. My only son.

I hadn't wanted to have more children. I just wanted one perfect child to dote on. Lucius also scorned the idea of more children. He hates families like the Weasleys who have more children than they can manage. But now I'm beginning to see the appeal of a large family. If I lose one child then there would always be another.

Maybe that is what my parents were thinking when they had three daughters. It proved right. Andromeda was a disappointment and Bella was locked up for fourteen years but all that time they still had me.

I have been the perfect daughter, both as a child and an adult. But now I fear that I'm losing any control I have and my perfectly placed life is falling into disarray. I have no choices left and no one to turn to. I have done all I can and now I have to wait. I hate feeling this helpless. I'm not sure I can handle it.

I am Narcissa Malfoy, Control Freak, Too Perfect, and Completely Powerless

A/N: Hope you liked it! Narcissa was another reviewer suggestion which I loved. I actually felt sorry for Narcissa in the sixth book and I hope that this shed a little light on to her character. Please, I'm welcome suggestions! Please review!

Lots of Love, Maya or Uknowho


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